Black Tears
by smilez014
Summary: One-shot::--"Because i'm the only one who seems to know Massie hates bouquets and loves white roses."-- for Kailin.


**Disclaimer: If you don't know who owns the Clique, I'd be worried about you. Lisi Harrison's property I'm just renting. :D**

**Rant start-**

**This is a bit AU. **

**So anyway this one-shot is for one of my awesomtasical friends, Kailin [cue fireworks and dazzling lights], formerly known as Kai-XCrunner4life but now zero-hero xoxo. Just because all I've dedicated to her are chapters and chapters are boring. Read her story **_**Love Drunk**_** because it's just as addictive as pistachios. **

**So here you go Kai, my first angsty oneshot and I hope the suck-iness of this doesn't disappoint you. And psh, yes, I hope this is awesome enough for your taste.**

**-Rant over.**

**Black** _Tears_

_By smilez014_

-;-

I woke up that morning, even when I didn't want to. I forced myself out of bed as I got up to shower. Once I finished, I pulled out my favorite black button up polo and a pair of Diesel jeans she gave me one Christmas. As I got dressed I took out the _M_ pin she gave me when we were twelve. I pinned the _M_ pin on my shirt and placed a black Ralph Lauren fedora over my shaggy blond hair, I was ready to start my day.

I drove down to Westchester Mall because I know it's her favorite place in the world. I walk around aimlessly the loud mall as I remember her throwing piles and piles of shopping bags in my arms. I laugh at the bitter sweet memory and I sit down on a bench. The feeling overwhelms me again as it surges through my body. The feeling of pain and joy rush over and the ability to breathe is impossible. I wheeze for a moment as my chest loosens.

I stand up and walk down to a bridal store she and I used to walk pass while holding hands. I stop and stare at the large window display. The same dress she and I were mesmerized by was still there. The strapless dress was beaded and crystallized in the most beautiful pattern with a large train styled bottom. The mannequin stood next to another one dressed in such a dashing suit a prince could have worn it. She promised me that one day we would wear those two outfits at our own wedding. But it was too late now.

A tear forms in my chocolate brown eyes and I try not to break down as I stare at the two mannequins' one more time then leave. I walk by her favorite Starbucks kiosk, the one right next to the Louis Vuitton store. I order what she usually does a medium coffee with extra cream. I sip the warm coffee with pleasure and I try my best not to miss her.

It was about this day almost two years ago when she told me the news. I nearly exploded and I ran away, I couldn't face her. I just couldn't. But I knew not facing her was wrong. So I stuck by her and helped her anyway I could. It was hard watching her sleep every night so vulnerable, so lost. She was my best friend, the only girl I've ever loved. But, now she was gone and in a way I feel like I've lost her because I have. I stand up and throw my Starbucks cup away in a nearby trash can.

I ride down the escalator and walk to the mall's parking lot. I get in my into my car and punch at the steering wheel for a while till my fists started hurting. I scream in aggravation and can feel my temper rising. I grip the steering wheel angrily till I calm down. She didn't want me to be mad nor sad. But how could I be when she just left me?

I drive down to the main event of the day. As I drive slowly I think about that first kiss, mine and apparently _hers_. I smile at the memory of that wonderful day on the seventh grade Lake Placid trip. The tears started coming again and I beg them to stop I can never let any of them, especially her; see what a mess I was. I park by the curb behind Cam Fisher's car. I open my door and try to look at the rest of the black parade. Alicia Rivera was there and so was Dylan Marvil and Kristen Gregory, her clique. Claire Lyons stood there in a black Bebe dress and heels as she dabbed at her blue eyes with a napkin.

I try to keep my face neutral as I join the crowd. She would have loved this it was her thing to have all these people admire her. Cam Fisher and Josh Hotz pat me on the shoulder with sympathetic looks and I slip on my Oliver Peoples' sunglasses. The ceremony starts and the pretty committee sob at the words being spoken. I hide my watery eyes behind my glasses and I stare at the bouquet of white carnations decorated in front of us.

We took turns at a microphone giving out messages. Alicia volunteered first and as she got to the podium it's the first time I realize she was wearing no makeup and her dress looked like it belonged in a Marie Antoinette movie.

"She was a beautiful person inside and out," Alicia's tears streamed down her face as she said this, "She and I didn't always get along but she was my best friend and I'll always cherish the life she lived."

Alicia didn't go any further, she stepped down and Claire spoke, "She was so complicated and sometimes so mean. I can't believe how much she's done and become, she was like my idol because she had the best ideas and I told her things I never told anyone and now that she has left us, I can't help but miss her."

Everyone was silent for a moment and the only sound came from the hollow tears that people cried. I, however, did not cry. Claire offered the microphone to me and even though I chose to be silent during this event I took it. I stood at the wooden podium and faced the audience. They all wore sad faces and teary eyes and yet I was the only one who didn't leak a drop.

I took off my sunglasses; the day was dark and gloomy, just like this service. I cleared my throat before I spoke and I try not to focus on the pain building inside of me so even though I think my mouth won't cooperate I speak for the very first time,

"Massie Block was a great person, a noble friend, a trustworthy companion, she was the nicest person in the world to me," My voice cracked there and I stopped, I stared at the portrait of her next to the podium; it wasn't one of the fancy portraits her parents usually had of her. It was the one with her all messed up and she was just wearing a t-shirt and jeans I remember clearly that that was on her Facebook profile. I cough and then continue, "Massie and I made a promise a long time ago that one day we would get married, that one day we would spend everyday together because we were the only ones who understood each other. It was a dumb promise, we made it when we were just twelve years old but we managed to keep it till about two years ago when she was diagnosed with… cancer.

When Massie," I cut myself off as the tears started forming in my eyes, I sighed then continued, "told me. I couldn't face her, I was so ashamed that I didn't know what to say, what to do. But she told me that being with her staying by her was exactly what she needed."

I paused and looked at my audience; they were all listening with some heads down and some tears being shed. "I loved Massie more than anyone in the world, even with our differences and issues we've faced in middle school we managed to find our way back to each other. The day Massie told me about her sickness was the day I knew I could never be with anyone else in the world. The fact that our time was limited was under a clock, killed me. I couldn't move for a week and I couldn't get out of bed on my own free will.

She's the only person in the world who has changed me. She's the only person I've ever hurt so much. I can still hear her voice and sometimes I feel like she's still here but she isn't," My tears couldn't be blinked away anymore they started streaming down my face, "Now that she's gone, I can honestly say that I miss her, and I have accepted the fact that she's really gone. But with her gone I feel like I'm walking with one foot or there's this big hole in my chest. I don't know what to do but knowing Mass, she'd tell me to be strong and move on. She promised that one day we'd get married and I always ask why she was taken away from me. So Rest In Peace Massie because you've left me behind and now you expect me to live my life on my own."

I walked away from the microphone and covered my eyes with myhands. Cam Fisher clapped my shoulder but didn't say anything.

We walked to the cemetery in silence. Her coffin was placed just above the ground and I try not to look at it, as it was being lowered down. Everyone was holding baskets and bouquets of white carnations. As Massie's coffin was now buried under the ground, everyone placed their flowers and candles around her grave. I watched as about a dozen flowers surrounded the grave stone.

I was the last one to go up to Massie's grave. Everyone stood back to give me alone time with her. I stare down at the carved letters: _Massie Block February 18, 1991-July 10, 2009 _and I try not to scream. This shouldn't be happening, not to her. Take me instead. I hold the white rose and lay it across her name because I'm the only one who seems to know that Massie hates bouquets, and loves white roses; not carnations. We all stood in silence as we stared at the grave of Massie Block, the sky was still gray but as I stared at her name a ray of sunlight ran across it. I smile a little because I know she's still there for me.

_Finished._

_This story was inspired by one of my best friends, _______, who has been gone for the last sixth months. I've accepted you're really gone but I still miss you everyday. _

-;-

**There ya go! I know it was kind of lame but it was the first time I ever did a story like this.**

**So, Kailinnnn, hope you enjoyed it. And please don't lie to me and say you did! :/ So yeah people, go check out – zero-hero xoxo – because she's ah-mazing.**

**-(: Dez.**


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